_ Eight ways to spot a sociopath (aka con-artist) on your first date Just because someone you trust is setting you up on a blind date, don’t assume that it’s safe! Even the most well intentioned friend or family member may accidentally introduce you to someone dangerous. After all how well do our friends and family know the object of the set up? If they knew them oh so well, then chances are we’d probably know them too. This is why it is advisable to treat every date with caution, whether it is someone you picked up in a bar or someone introduced to you by your mum. The novel, A Life Lived Ridiculously, is a prime example of how a setup from a trusted source can go horribly wrong, after Maxine’s parents inadvertently set her up with a sociopath. So before you fall hopelessly in love with your mum’s best friend’s mahjong partner’s nephew, be aware of sociopaths (social predators who exploit just about everyone they meet). Because with 1 in 25 people falling under the classic definition of a sociopath, we need to be aware of them before they prey on us. HOW TO SPOT A SOCIOPATH Sociopaths have impressive social skills, thereby making them extremely hard to spot. They are charming, funny and exciting. This is why we need to be aware. If your new romantic interest exhibits all or most of the following behaviors, be careful. He or she might be a sociopath. 1) Charisma and charm: They’re smooth talkers, always have an answer, never miss a beat. They seem to be very exciting. Their manners are impeccable; they are well groomed; they fulfill the codes of romance and courtship to a tee. They are likely to be eloquent talkers who lace their speech with impressive sounding facts and figures. They may be fun, laugh a lot, sweep their partner off their feet with their sweetness. 2) Enormous ego: They act like the smartest, richest or most successful people around. They may actually come out and tell you that. 3) Lies and gaps in the story. You ask questions, and the answers are vague. They tell stupid lies. They tell outrageous lies. They lie when they’d make out better telling the truth. If you probe deeper, you’ll find that their stories never stack up. 4) Pity play: They appeal to your sympathy. They want you to feel sorry for their abusive childhood, psychotic ex, incurable disease or financial setbacks. 5) Blame others: Nothing is ever their fault. They always have an excuse. Someone else causes their problems. 6) Jekyll and Hyde personality: One minute they love you; the next minute they hate you. Their personality changes like flipping a switch. 7) Overly attentive: They call, text and e-mail constantly. They want to be with you every moment. They resent time you spend with your family and friends. 8) Move fast: They quickly proclaim that you’re their true love and soul mate. They want to move in together or get married quickly. Some doctors call them sociopaths, others refer to them as psychopaths. Either way, the terms are used to describe individuals who have a range of personality disorders. These people are NOT certifiably mentally ill; they are biological carriers of socially and personally problematic traits. Such traits may have been manifested from childhood in acts of cruelty to animals, property or people. These characteristics can disrupt relationships, create financial and emotional crises, and, at their worst, lead the person to callously undertake acts of vandalism, theft, rape or murder. Being aware what constitutes a sociopath can help one resist their charm and the errors inherent in establishing a life with them. Sociopaths know exactly what they are doing, and most of them never kill anyone. But they are social predators who exploit just about everyone they meet. They have no heart, no conscience and no remorse. You can’t ‘cure’ a sociopath or help them to see the error of their ways. They don't see the world as we do, so the only thing you can do, is save yourself and walk away. CommentsCharsi 01/14/2012 10:45
Practically: if your date is nice, you should run.
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Diane 02/01/2012 08:15
My ex boyfriend was one. I didn't understand it at the time, but it seemed that he never had any real opinions or feelings of his own. He listened carefully to others and just repeated what he heard. He used words in the wrong context and pronounced them wrong because he clearly didn't understand what he was saying. He lied to me about his pathetic life with his wife, and how so much of his misery was due to her. Then I found out he lied to his wife about every aspect of his relationship with me. He lied to each of us to gain him sympathy and get us on his side against the other. I still feel sorry for him, knowing how very damaged he is from his childhood, but I cannot fix him. I had to go to months of therapy to get my head right after him!
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Jennifer 02/02/2012 05:02
I'm pretty sure my ex husband was one, he had all the traits except for the "charming" one. It should have been a clue that he would always jokingly call himself "ulterior motive man" - you know what they say about how sociopaths often give us clues as to who they really are.
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Shelby 06/20/2012 01:28
Sounds like my soon to be ex-husband. He blamed me for our son being premature when he wasn't even working and I had to work overtime because of him not working. He was premature because I was sick, rundown and had an infection. Then after our second child he decides to become extremely controlling and threatening towards me, psychologically and verbally abusing me and our first child day in and our for about 10 months until I could not take it anymore. I was numb and could not cry, laugh or smile. The isolation was horrible too, felt like I was a prisoner of my own home. His manipulation was so twisted that it was hard for me to be the real person I am and wanted to be. I felt like a child who lost its mother so empty inside. I was sleeping with the enemy. Then after leaving, find he was stealing my identity and cancelled his life insurance policy but kept mine for $500,000. Pure textbook sociopath... Once I realized what I was dealing with, the decision to divorce was made without hesitation.
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Janice 02/15/2012 03:22
I've never been so messed up in my life. The bastard stole my life savings and left me and my son nearly in the street. I also found out that he was married and had a whole other family. He pretended to be so rich and successful, and said that if I invested in his business me and my son would never have to worry about money again. But we never saw any return on our money. I tried to take him to court but was told that because i willingly handed over my money that there was nothing they could do. Well I was conned! And now me and my son are destitute and he doesnt even care. I wish Id never met him, and if I can warn all women to be careful, I would like to shout it from the rooftops!!
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