Is this really the new definition of friendship?

When did it become okay for friends to have strong opinions about my diet, lifestyle and marriage? I grew up in a world where you supported your friends no matter what, and the only grounds for dumping a friend was if they were unpleasant directly to YOU.

Nowadays, it seems the rules of friendship have changed. You can be friends with someone for years, yet God help you if you make a bad personal decision that has absolutely no impact on them at all. Because you are liable to be judged and then dumped!

I have been dumped by a friend who disapproved of my high chocolate diet, deemed too selfish by another who disagreed with my point of view in an argument with my husband. Yet another friend couldn't stomach that I didn't rush back to work after baby number one, whilst one especially heinous individual turned on me after reading my portrayal of certain family members in my book. None of these friends dumped me for directly offending them.

It's pretty terrifying when you think that the cardinal rule for friendship has morphed from a requirement to be kind and supportive to your friends, to a requirement to be mindful that your personal lifestyle choices do not displease them.

Personally it has never occurred to me to dump a friend because I didn't approve of their diet, relationships or how many days a week they work. Perhaps I am too basic with my criteria for friendship limited to whether we can pass a pleasant evening together.

Clearly though, self-assigning oneself as the morality police is the new definition of friendship these days, and I didn't get the memo. Which I do find strange since there is always background and other intricacies unknown to the external eye, yet it is still okay to disregard all that and pass judgement anyway.

I do love to chat as much as the next person, but these days am constantly biting my tongue before revealing anything about myself lest it spawn judgement, hatred and ultimately rejection.

So to anyone reading this, I would like to say, seriously, unless you live in my head, are a fly on my wall or sleep under my bed, your role as friend is to respect and support every choice I make, in much the same way that I respect and support all your choices. You have no right to judge me. Certainly you are entitled to your opinion, and even to proffer advice, but to re-evaluate a friendship based on your belief that I should have let hubby go to the game last week, is taking it one step too far.

So please, I'd like to be friends the old fashioned way. Or not be friends at all...



01/07/2013 15:38


I truly understood what you were talking about since people rather stare at me with an open mouth or making silly comments than being supportive.

I also felt that the modern friendships have changed. Supportive now means only having the same opinion and stick together to fight the disillusion away. Beware the monster called difference which is in truth the beauty of variety and improvement.

I've never felt it would be mad of someone to tell me his true opinion, I'd really appreciate that. What makes me sad is that I think most of the people in my life are so highly insecure of fitting in a society in which you're either "in or out" (AND that even if you're already out of high school!) so they consider to avoid everything unexpected and pushing themselves by having strong opinions (at least in their mind).

I would like to have a more powerful conversation with grown idividuals which have their own mind and like to use it by making their own thoughts.

That's also for all the policital talking outside!

Good Luck! ;)

01/07/2013 15:40



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